My MS

Diagnosed with MS, Multiple Sclerosis, in 2007 began a difficult and scary journey. I have been lucky, compared to many other MS patients, but none-the-less my story is one that will resonate with other people living with chronic illness.

The purpose of this blog is one of therapy, for me mostly; but I do hope that if you stumble upon it, you will possibly learn something about MS and consider the thousands who live with the cruel disease each day. We need your help; donations, time, resources, but mostly we need understanding. We need understanding because for most MS patients, you wouldn't know us to look at us- we look just like your neighbors, teachers, doctors, clerks, and clergy. That is one of the most difficult aspects of this disease, in my opinion. Unless I am having a relapse, I don't LOOK sick.

I am hopeful that this blog will open a conversation with some, allow others insight, and give me an outlet.

Thanks for joining me!

Alison and Jeremy

Alison and Jeremy
Just Us

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Fears

Over the last several days I have been thinking a lot about fears. Fear can be extremely powerful, when you let it gain momentum. I did that recently and it crippled me. A wise friend gave me the advice to just list them- "What are you afraid of Alison? Make a list." she said. So, I did. Alright, the list is in my head because I am not yet brave enough to actually write them down. Once I started admitting the things that I was scared of, I was able to verbalize them with Jeremy, and then I was able to feel some relief. Now comes my written list.... let the healing begin!

I am afraid of:
* not being able to return to work full time.
* needing to make accommodations to my life if I am not "restored" to normal.
* the fact that I don't have a job for next year.
* being on unemployment.
* not being able to give Jeremy and Julia what they need.

Okay that is enough... I don't think we should dive so deep into this exercise that I can't see the top anymore!

On the flip side, since acknowledging these fears, my spirits have definitely lifted and I have been able to share more with Jeremy by letting him carry some of the weight for me. I have realized that being married to him is quite a gift. He sees the best in me which helps me to go a little easier on myself, and for those that know me you KNOW I am a tough critic of myself. I am grateful for the mirror he holds up.

I say to all of you out there, God doesn't lead you to what He isn't going to lead you through. Don't let fear cripple you. I thought I knew that already but I obviously needed a reminder and I am thankful I have the support of people who can give me such reminders.
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3 comments:

  1. October SmithApril 28, 2011 at 12:49 PM

    God has a plan for all of us. Doors may close and windows will open. It will all work out somehow, you just have to trust that they do. I know it is REALLY hard to see the light when it is dark all around, just know it is there.

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  2. AlisoncbApril 28, 2011 at 1:17 PM

    Thanks October. It is difficult to look past the immediate. I will take a page from your book and keep my eye on the prize of independence from the grind! What do I want to be when I grow up?? LOL

    ReplyDelete
  3. YvonneMay 3, 2011 at 5:27 PM

    Love you Alison!! You are doing great.

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